I Am Important!!

Hello all and tomorrow is Friday.....yay for me and yay for all of you too!!

I am just about to finish my fourth week of FXB training, and I can't believe it's been four weeks!!  I can honestly say that it has gone by quickly.  After the first week, my nerves settled down and I was not as "OCD" about meals, menus and tracking my diet.  I found an online website that calculates all of my intake, and this "hater of all things nutritional and mathmatical" doesn't have to figure any of it out.  It does it all for me!  Thank God for the Internet.  It's been a godsend.

Today, I want to share "what motivated me" to join the Farrell's program.  In highschool I was never overweight.  I ate when I was hungry, and when I wasn't hungry....I didn't eat.  It was a good plan for me.  I didn't look very "toned" but I was weight and height appropriate.  Then.....came college and for me the "freshman 30".  Ugh!  The summer before my wedding, I lived on Lean Cusine Spaghetti and Tab.  (for some of you "younger" folk....Tab was the "it" cola drink of the 70's.)  I was trim and able to fit in my wedding dress by the end of the summer.  (whew!)   After two beautiful daughters, and a lot of junk food, I put on a lot of weight.  I basically lived out my life hiding my body behind "big" shirts and oversized tops.  My husband hated it.  Eventually, there came a miracle from the pharmaceutical companies; a combination of two medications that helped your metabolism and curbed your appetite.  They were my miracle drugs!  Over about 6-9 months, I lost 55 pounds and was the skinniest I'd ever been.  I felt really good about my physical appearance, however, many women ended up with severe and sometimes deadly side effects.  The only people who knew, were those I told at work and my husband and daughers, because I was ashamed that I was "cheating" in my weight loss goals.

So.....move forward 11 years.  Here I am in the same boat again!!!  I look back at those 9 months and realize that I didn't learn very much about taking care of me.  I chose a fairly easy route and obviously it didn't work for me for the long haul.  For a long time I've tried to ignore the fact that I'm unhealthy, but there have been a few "motivational" experiences that have now encouraged me to make the change.  Most importantly, the motivation has come from my grandsons.  They are the loves of my life, besides my husband, Ken.  I am in awe of those two boys every single day.  They are beautiful and amazing, and smart, and....well you get the picture.  I am one proud grandma.  (I'm called "Nona").  I've decided that I want to be a part of their lives as long as I can be.  I don't want to be cooped up in some nursing home, or in a coma, or even dead for that matter.  That just isn't what this Nona wants to leave for her family.  Secondly, I starting having panic attacks.  This isn't the first time that I've had them.  When my oldest daughter went to college, I started having debillitating panic attacks and lost about 10 pounds.  I went without sleep for over 48 hours, and without my daughter Katie staying up all night to "color" in a coloring book, I might have lost my mind.  It was a very hard time for me.  Things eventually got better, but this summer they came back.  It was the most horrible experience I've ever had in my life.  I wish I could explain what I go through, but it would take too long.  Let me sum it up this way.....I feel totally emotionally out of control and I hate it!  It's like the feeling you experience right before you dive off the high diving board at the local pool, except it last for hours and even days at a time.  I don't wish these things on anyone!  So....I didn't want to take any Valium or other medications, so I needed to get those endorphins moving in my head.  Thus....FXB! 

It's been the right move.  It's a very hard program, but I'm feeling better about me.  I'm not embarrassed by my appearance anymore and I have more confidence.  Even though I'm not in "perfect" condition, I know that I'm working towards a goal that will eventually improve my overall physical shape.  I may not look like a movie star, but I will feel better in my clothes!  (and maybe by next summer a one piece bathing suit.  Definitely, NOT a two piece.....)  I have only lost 3 pounds since I started four weeks ago.  I'm okay with that.  I am trying to look at the overall picture and am looking forward to a long, long life with my entire family.  It's going to be hard at times, but man, I'm loving the endorphin rush at the end of a hard work-out.  It's awesome!!!

And did I tell you, I can do 10 sit-ups??   (with my feet tucked under the couch....)

Here's to endorphins!!!